version 11.12.2010

Well its been another day.   Today went pretty good at work.  I stayed busy.  My mom brought my little one out to visit me at work which made my day.  It would ahve been better if she would have been in a better mood.

my little one has been in a good mood today.  She has made me feel loved most of the day by giving me kisses and such which I needed.  She will be with her dad this weekend so tonight is the last night I have with her for a bit before next weekend.

Well I am really tired.  So I am going to head to bed.

Version 11.10.10.PM

Relationships...

So things are going good.  I found I can be friends with guys and it be okay.  The thing that annoys me are the guys who one minute they want to be friends the next they watn to see where things go...then the next they cant even tell you to your face they dont think the two of you are working out..that you are two different people...instead they tell everyone else...guess what im a grown up i can handle the heartache...Quit treating me like a little kid...the drama gets involved when you treat me like one instead of a grown adult. 

Hmm let see what else.  I am finally feeling more relaxed.  I am not really sure whats causing it but there are a few possibilities.  Sorry I didnt update yesterday things got away from me and i got preoccupied . 

I hope everyone is having a good week.  I will update later on.  Marcey

Version 11.08.10

So today could have been a really rough day on me if I would have let it be but I realized that no matter how much my daughters dad and me do not get along we both need to be in her life and we can either work together or fight.  So today I gave him what he wanted and that was more time with her.  I really hope he can keep up his end of the bargain for her becuase it would be nice for her to have that time with him.  We will see how it goes.  I wanted so bad to say no but then that would have been me trying to pick what is best for Ruby and not caring about her so much as my wants and needs.  I hope hes willing to work with me on all of this.  We will as time goes on.

Well let see what else has gone on not much of anything.  I plan on going out and getting my kettlebell tomorrow should be interesting to see how well my workout goes from there.  Well I guess I better get going for now.  I will talk to you all later on tomorrow sometime.

Version 11.07.10.PM

So today I did even more thinking. 

My next few weeks are going to be very difficult...

I am going to change my sleep schedule. the reason behind this is I need to start getting up earlier to eat, to actually spend alittle time takign care of my face including adding basic makeup so i look more professional at work, and to exercise more.  This will mean I will be going to bed a little earlier each night. 

I am also going to work on exercising more.  It is really hard for me to want to do becuase I ahte to exercise in front of people even my parents but I need to just get over it and do it.  It will help me out I have noticed since I havent exercised as much lately I am getting more stress in general.  I also had more energy when I was exercising. 

I also need to start taking vitamins everyday and make sure I take them. 

The worse part/best part of it is I need to focus when on if I really will get along with the guy in a relationship for logner then a year or two.  That is the worse part.  It is hard to do.  I am so use to giving up everythign I watn for the guy to make it work but in the end it makes it worse for me becuase I dont get anything out of it and the guy thinks im goign to cave in all the time from then on.  So I set my own self up for failure. that is the worse part ofr the longest time I have faught for guys who in the end I know we never would have got along with but I didnt want to be alone.This will be the toughest thing to do but it needs to be done.

Time to finish getting ready for bed.  Got to get up in the morning early and start my new routine.  We will see how it goes.  I plan to update tomorrow.

Version 11.07.10. AM

Sorry I didnt post the last two days.  I took a mini road trip up to a wedding of a friend of mine from Purdue.  It was intersting.  I saw alot of people IO knew from Purdue which was nice.  It made me think about alot of stuff though also.  All th ose people I talked to had been with guys going on 5 years.  That is a really long time.  I started top think about it and I realized I think I have been rushing even the long relationships I have been in.  I have always grown up dreaming of the perfect wedding but instead of enjoying the person I am with for the time being I have always thought.  What about my wedding.  The wedding shouldnt be what I am thinking about.  Instead I should be thinking about the guy when he comes along and how much we get along or how much I like to be with him.  How we make each other happy and that we are both willign to do something we may not typically enjoy for the other person like their hobbies.

On the way back hom from the wedding we were goign to stop at Purdue and I decided I didnt want to do that.  On the way home I thougth about it alot.  and my problem is I have always wanted to meet someone I could marry not someone I am in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with.  I am not sure if it amkes sense to any of you but it does to me and thats why I dont want that.  I want something more something meaningful and it may take me over 5 years to get it but I am sure when I get it.  I will be happier then I ever have been and that means so much more then happy for a day.

Oh yeah I want to start my exercise routing this week.  IT will be difficult I am giogn to wake up early three our of the 5 work days to do this routing.  I found it online its a kettlebell program it should be interesting.  It is more for toning then losing weight which is exactly waht I want to do.  I know I may lose some weight and such but that is fine.  I just want to be a little more tone. 

There is a picture from yesterday.  Enjoy the rest of your sunday. I will write more sometime soon.

Version 11.04.10

So today is one of my bad days I guess you could say...today is a day where I want someone to hold me but I know no matter what thats not what is best for me.  Today is a day I need to be strong on my own....so i sit here and think about how even though it hurts to be alone tonight in the end it will be that much better that I am not becoming addicted to the affectin of someone else.  It will take time but I hope I can get thru it. 

Well good news at work today I have been learning a different position its been more difficult then what I had been learning but I think I am getting the hang of it.  The others are making me feel good and trying not to let me discourage.

I go to the dentist tomorrow for a check up where I had my wisdom teeth removed to see how they are healing.  In about a month or two I plan to get the other side pulled also.  Then I will work on getting them cleaned and a little more white. 

Well time to go I guess.  Have a good evening everyone.

Version 11.03.10

Today was a decent day.  I exercised last night some and was sore today a little bit.  I had an apple this morning for breakfast and then I also had Subway for lunch.  I ordered jsut a 6" sub and a couple cookies I didnt even eat both cookies.  I spent time with Ruby tonight.  It was very relaxing...I am glad for that.

Work was nice today.  I am starting to learn a new position there it makes me feel good that within the three months I have been there I got more then the last person there accomplished and I am already passing where he ever was at.  Well time to go relax a little more and calm down before bedtime.

version 11.02.10.am

well this morning I got up... Went out and did my civic duty and voted...after that I came to work...my breakfast consisted of apple slices and a christmas tree cake and one 20 oz. Vanilla coke.  I also weighed myself this morning.  I am staring all this at 135.5 lbs.  I hope to be down between 115 and 120 by the time I go to Vegas with my cousin in feb.

finances I am having to do some rearranging since someone said they were giving me so much and now they are only giving me a third of that amount...its not worth the stress to argue with that person  but give us more stress I do not need... Well back to work now

Version 11.01.10

Today is the first day of upgrading everything about me.  I am clearing out my past and making a better life for me. 

The main things I am going to be working on is my finances and my diet.  I am sick and tired of not being succesful at these two things and the only person who can fix this is me.  No one else can do it.  I am asking you all to help me.  If you want to get out and walk some or find a day to hang out and not spend much money let me know.  Also if you have any advice please let me know.  I could greatly use it. 

For those who are just joining me in this journey.  I am a single mom with a daughter who is almost two and a half years old.  I have an associates degree in Computer Drafting and Design.  I work full time right now as a Utility Locate Coordinator. I have a few best best friend and most of my friends Iw ould consider best friends.  There are a few people out there I will be social to if I have to and a very rare few that I will refuse to talk to.  Well I guess that is enough for today.  I may post more later on.  Marcey